Raise your hand if the holidays sometimes feel more like an obligation than a joyful celebration.
If that’s you, you’re not alone. This is something we hear so often in our offices. People feel pressure to be "happy" and "joyful," but instead, they’re overwhelmed by fear, stress, resentment, or anger.
The holiday season, with all its expectations and traditions, can stir up a lot of emotions—especially for those who have experienced trauma. But why is that? Let’s explore and then let’s talk about some strategies that may help trauma survivors navigate the holiday season.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Hard for Trauma Survivors
Why the holidays are so tough is really going to depend on the specific trauma each person has experienced. That being said, here are some common reasons:
Added Stress and Pressure
When we experience trauma it, by nature, reduces capacity. Think of it like having a cup and the cup represents how much you can take on. Trauma fills up your cup, leaving you with less space in your cup that before. The holidays, with endless to-do lists, financial strain, and social obligations take up a lot of space in the cup! And if you didn’t have much space to start with.. well water is going to over flow. Further, the expectation to be cheerful and festive is often at odds with how you might actually be feeling, which leads to a sense of disconnect.
Challenging Family Dynamics
The holidays often bring people together—but not all family relationships are safe, supportive, or ones you want to be around! Being around family members who dismiss your experiences, invalidate your feelings, or bring up painful memories can be triggering. If your trauma relates to the family or was caused by family, then family is very unsafe.
Disregard for Boundaries
Some people struggle to respect boundaries, and holidays are often a time when we come in to contact with people we otherwise maintain distance from. This can lead to strong feelings of unsafely and powerlessness.
Memories and Triggers
The holidays can resurface memories of difficult or traumatic experiences, especially if those experiences are tied to family, past events, or traditions. Even seemingly small things—like a song, smell, or decoration—can act as triggers, bringing up emotions you thought were resolved.
Feeling Isolated
For some, the holidays highlight feelings of loneliness or disconnection. If your family relationships are strained or absent, the cultural focus on togetherness can deepen feelings of loss or inadequacy.
Ways to Navigate the Holidays as a Trauma Survivor
Like we’ve mentioned before, trauma is so unique, so what works for you to navigate the holidays season is of course going to be unique as well. Here are some ideas that we can offer, but please remember that you know you best! Modify these, ignore them or take little pieces to make them fit your life and your experiences.
Trust yourself, your knowledge and your memory. One thing we here a lot from clients is that they feel so confused. Their family often tells them one narrative about how things are happening or who they are , and they just dont know what’s true or not anymore. As best as you can, try leaning in to your truth, regardless of waht others want you to believe. They may spin a story or say you are mis-remembering, but trust yourself! You know your life best.
You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Everything
That party? That family gathering? That event you’re dreading? You don’t have to go. Seriously. Your tram might have you thinking you have to go be a part of it, but do you really? Saying “no” is allowed!
Decide What You Need This Season What would make this season feel meaningful—or at least manageable—for you? Is it more rest? Quiet time in nature? Genuine connection with a close friend?Take a moment to reflect on what you need and prioritize that. You don’t have to follow anyone else’s idea of what the holidays should look.
Hope for the Best, Plan for the Worst
This might sound cliché, but it’s a valuable mindset for navigating the holidays. It’s okay—and healthy—to hope that this year might feel different, that things might go more smoothly. But it’s equally important to have a plan in place for how you’ll take care of yourself if things don’t go as hoped. Think about what you want ot do if a boundary is crossed or if you become triggered. Consider writing it down so you don’t forget in the midst of it all.
Look for the Little Moments. Holidays often come with this overwhelming pressure to be perfect. Perfect tree, perfect outfits, perfect photos, perfect joy. But when perfection doesn’t happen (spoiler: it rarely does), we can end up feeling disappointed. So instead, look for the little moments of peace or joy: the soft glow of holiday lights, the sound of snow crunching underfoot, or the comfort of a warm drink in your hands. These moments matter too and be mindful of them is actually a great strategy to calm your nervous system.
Be Gentle with Yourself
The holidays can be tough, and if you’re navigating them while also carrying the weight of trauma, it’s even more important to approach this season with self-compassion.
Take it one step at a time, honour your needs, and remember that you’ve made it through hard things before—you can do it again.
You’ve got this. 💛
If you're looking for more support this holiday season as you navigate trauma and triggers, we have a team of therapists and counsellors here in Kamloops ready to help! Book your first session today; you don't have to do it alone.
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