Finding the right therapist for your teenager can feel so overwhelming!
Whether your child is experiencing anxiety, depression, struggling to make friends or perform well in school, therapy can be invaluable. It can be a place to learn coping skills, better understand yourself and build confidence and self-esteem.
But only if you can find the right person and get your teen to make it to the session!
In this guide, we'll cover key considerations parents should make when seeking therapy for your teenager.
Signs You May Want to Consider Therapy for Your Teenager
Being a teenager is tough; hormones are all over the place, new challenges pop up every day and we're trying to figure out who we are, all at the same time! It's very normal for this period of life to be a tough time for teens, as they navigate all of these factors.
But as a parent, how do you know when it's normal struggles and when is it time to consider getting some extra help?
Here are a few signs to consider looking for:
Persistent Mood Changes: If your teen is consistently feeling sad, anxious, or irritable for more than a couple of weeks, it could be a sign of something deeper than typical teenage emotions.
Withdrawal from Activities or Friends: If your once-active teen is now avoiding social interactions, skipping favourite activities, or withdrawing from friends and family, therapy may help them work through what’s going on.
Changes in Sleep or Appetite: Noticeable changes in your teen’s sleep patterns (like insomnia or sleeping too much) or appetite (eating significantly more or less) can be red flags for underlying mental health concerns.
Struggling in School: Sudden drops in grades, loss of interest in school, or behavioural issues in class might point to emotional or mental struggles that need to be addressed.
Risky or Self-Destructive Behaviour: If your teen is engaging in risky behaviours, such as substance use, self-harm, or talking about hopelessness or suicide, therapy is likely a good idea.
Difficulty Managing Stress: If your teen is overwhelmed by stress from school, relationships, or life in general, therapy can provide them with tools to better manage their emotions and cope with challenges.
Expressing Feelings of Hopelessness: If your teen talks about feeling worthless, hopeless, or that nothing will get better, these are serious signs that they may need professional support.
Directly Asking for Support: If your teen comes to you and says they need support, that's always a sign that it's time to start looking for the right therapist. Down here we have a section on how to respond if your teen comes to you with this request.
These signs don’t mean something is "wrong" with your teenager, but they can indicate that therapy might help them navigate what they're going through.
How to Start the Conversation with Your Teen
So you've identified that your teenager needs some therapy. How do you bring it up in a way that gets them to actually attend sessions? Many teens may feel unsure or hesitant about starting therapy. As a parent, it can help to approach the topic with care and support.
Here are some tips:
Show Care and Support: Start by letting your teen know that you care about them and have ben noticing that they are struggling lately. Let them know you want to help them get support through this tough time.
Normalize Therapy: Frame therapy as a tool for personal growth and well-being, rather than something that’s only for people with "serious" problems. Let them know how therapy may be helpful and, if you’ve ever received therapy, let them know how it’s helped you.
Listen: Ask your teen how they feel about therapy and what concerns or hesitations they might have. If your teen agrees, consider sharing these with the therapist before the first session, so they can address these concerns right away. Depending on the concern, the therapist may even be able to address these by email before the first session.
Offer Options: Reassure them that they have control over which therapist they see and that therapy is meant to be a safe space for them to express their feelings.
Don't Make Therapy a Threat: Some parents try to motivate their teen to attending therapy by making it a threat; "If you don't go to therapy, you aren't allowed to stay on the basketball team". While the intention is good, this unfortunately makes therapy an unsafe place for your teen. Instead, focus on finding what THEY see as the benefit of therapy and emphasizing these reasons.
How to Respond If Your Teen Asks to See a Therapist
First off, a huge congratulations! If your teen is asking for therapy, that means they feel comfortable talking to you and expressing their needs. Woohoo, nicely done! It also means they are self-aware and know they need some extra support, which is a huge skill to already have as a teenager.
How you respond at this stage can make a big difference for your kiddo. This is going to help set the landscape about mental health. Our goal in this conversation is to make sure that your kiddo knows that it’s okay to ask for help and that they are worthy of it. If you can, keep those goals in your mind as you respond.
Here are a few ways to respond:
Stay calm and supportive: Even if the request catches you off guard, thank your teen for coming to you. Let them know you’re proud of them for recognizing they might need help.
Ask questions: Gently ask why they think therapy would be helpful right now. This can help you better understand what they’re going through and what kind of therapist would be the best fit. If they aren’t willing to tell you though, that’s okay, don’t push it! Forcing your child to talk may lead to them shutting down to therapy all together, so if you don’t know why they want care, that’s okay!
Avoid judgment: It's important to avoid minimizing their feelings or expressing concern that something is "wrong" with them. Instead, try helping them understand that everyone has mental health and our health can always get better! Just like we exercise daily to keep our bodies healthy, therapy is how we keep our minds healthy.
Share the next steps: Let your teen know the steps you are going to take. That may mean doing research to find out about options, looking in to your benefits, or talking to another parent about the plan. By letting your kiddo know the next step you are taking, it will help them feel secure that their needs are being heard.
Some parents worry that their kid asking for help outside the family means they have failed, or done something wrong. Try to see it this way instead: a key stage of development is when a youth learns who they are outside of their family of origin. It’s a very healthy step and must occur on the path to adulthood. Your teen is doing just that, right now, how exciting!
What to Look for in a Therapist for your Teenager
The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship
One of the most critical factors in successful therapy is the relationship between the therapist and your kiddo. Research shows that the therapeutic alliance, or the connection and trust between the therapist and the client, is the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy. In other words, no matter how experienced a therapist is, if your teen doesn’t feel comfortable with them, the therapy won’t be as effective.
Think of it this way: it's always hard to get a teen to talk. And if they don’t like the person? Doubly hard! If your teen likes the counsellor they’re working with, it’s going to be more likely they open up, talk about the tough stuff and try what their therapist recommends.
Because of this, it’s crucial to involve your teen in the decision-making process. Allow them to have a say in who they see. Consider finding a few therapists you think may be a good fit and sharing their profiles with your kiddo; let them choose who they feel most comfortable with.
Once your teen has had a couple sessions, ask them how they feel—do they feel understood and safe? If they don’t connect with one therapist, it’s perfectly okay to explore other options.
If you can normalize this process for your teen, letting them know that it may take a few tries to find the right person, this can help prevent your teen from shutting down and not trying again.
Consider explaining it like this: Imagine you're starting at a new school. On the first day, you decide to sit with a group of people at lunch. By the end of lunch, you realize that you have nothing in common and don’t want to sit with them again tomorrow. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone at the school you’ll connect with! You just need to try sitting with a different group the next day. Therapy is just like that. You may not like one counsellor but that doesn’t mean you wont like any counsellors, so feel free to try a few!
The therapeutic alliance, or the connection and trust between the therapist and the client, is the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy. In other words, no matter how experienced a therapist is, if your teen doesn’t feel comfortable with them, the therapy won’t be as effective.
Other Factors to Look For
Beyond the therapeutic relationship, there are a few key things to consider when searching for the right therapist for your teen:
Experience with Teens: Not all therapists specialize in working with adolescents, and it's important to find someone who understands the unique challenges teens face. Therapists who specialize in adolescent issues understand the developmental stages that youth go through and can offer care that meets their unique needs.
Specialization: Look for a therapist who has experience in the area your teen needs help with, whether it’s anxiety, depression, trauma, or identity development. If your teen isn’t open to sharing why they want therapy, consider sharing a few therapist profiles with them that have different specializations. They’ll likely choose someone who is aligned with what they want help with.
Cultural Competence: If your family identifies with a particular cultural, religious, or 2SLGBTQ+ community, it may be beneficial to find a therapist who understands these contexts and can make therapy more relatable for your teen.
Understanding the Role of Parental Involvement
As your teen begins therapy, it’s natural to wonder how involved you should be in the process. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Respect Privacy: Therapy is a private and safe space for your teen, and their sessions will remain confidential. In British Columbia, once your chid is 12 or older, your counsellor will only share information if they believe that your teen is going to harm themselves or others. This allows your teen to trust the space is safe to work through anything they need help with. Trust the process and resist the urge to ask for details about what is discussed.
Be Supportive: While respecting their privacy, check in regularly and let your teen know you’re there if they want to talk. Providing emotional support outside of therapy is very important important.
Therapist Involvement: In some cases, the therapist may involve parents in the therapy process to discuss concerns or strategies.If you think a joint session could be helpful, feel free to ask the therapist, but if they say now isn't the time, trust them and wait til your teen asks for you to join.
In-Person vs. Virtual Therapy: What’s Best for Your Teen?
Parents are often curious whether their teen should receive in-person or virtual care. There are some pros and cons to each, but remember this: research finds that they are both equally effective. So at the end of the day, choose whichever works best for your family and your teen.
Here are the factors we’d recommending thinking about when deciding:
In-Person Therapy:
Privacy: In-person therapy gives your teen a private space where they won’t have to worry about being overheard by siblings or other family members.
Dedicated Environment: A therapist's office can allow your teen to focus entirely on themselves and their therapy, rather than getting distracted by things at home or on their computer.
Routine and Structure: Physically going to a therapy appointment can help create a routine and a sense of stability, which some teens may find beneficial.
Virtual Therapy:
Comfort: Some teens feel more comfortable talking to a therapist from the privacy of their own room, especially if they experience social anxiety or discomfort in unfamiliar settings.
Convenience: Virtual therapy can make it easier to fit sessions into a busy schedule, as it eliminates the need for travel.
Flexibility: With virtual therapy, teens can access care from anywhere, which is helpful for families who live in areas with fewer therapists or have difficulty accessing in-person care.
Ultimately, the decision should come down to what your teen feels most comfortable with. If they’re unsure, consider choosing a therapist in your community who does in-person and virtual sessions. Once your teen has had a couple of sessions, the therapist and your teen will be able to figure out which style would be most effective for your kiddo.
Research shows that in-person and virtual therapy are equally effective, so choose whichever is best for your teen and family.
Signs Therapy Is Working
Once your teen starts therapy, you’re going to wonder how things are going. Before we share some signs therapy is working, there’s something really important to remember: therapy takes time, and we tend to measure therapy in months, not weeks. Because teens tend to take a while to warm up to their therapist, it can be a while before we can even start the deeper work in therapy, and then a while longer to see shifts. While the desire to see your teen getting better can make you want quick changes, know that changes can take time but that once they’re set in, the impacts will literally last a lifetime.
Here are some signs that therapy is working:
Reported Improvement: When you ask, does your teen say that they like therapy? Or that it’s helpful? You may not be seeing the signs yet, but that doesn’t mean changes aren’t happening! Trust that if your kiddo says it’s helping, it is.
Improved Mood: When we think improved mood, we often think our teen is suddenly laughing and having a great time! The truth is, the first shifts you will see are much more subtle. Your teen may be a little less sulky, some of the time. Or you may find that they’re a touch less irritable with you, on occasion. Look for subtle signs that the change is happening.
Better Communication: If you start to notice your teen communicating with you more (even if it’s stuff you may not want to hear, like that they want to quit a sport or have more alone time), these are their communication skills at play! When possible, responding positively to what they are sharing goes far.
Coping Skills: Your teen may start using new tools and strategies to manage stress or challenging emotions. Try encouraging them to keep using them, even if you don’t know what the tool is!
More Engagement in Activities: If your teen has been withdrawing from friends, hobbies, or school but is starting to re-engage, that likely means that things are improving.
Healthier Relationships: Therapy can help teens improve how they relate to family, friends, and others. If you notice them handling conflicts better, asserting their needs or ending unhealthy relationships, it could be a sign they’re making progress.
Increased Confidence and Self-Esteem: You might notice an increase in confidence. Sometimes this looks like more positive comments about themselves and other times it looks like less negative ones.
Supporting Your Teen Outside of Therapy
Therapy is one piece of the puzzle when it comes to your teen’s well-being. You can support your teen by creating a nurturing environment at home. Here’s how:
Encourage Coping Strategies: Help your teen explore activities like journaling, art, exercise, or mindfulness to complement their therapy.
Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge and validate your teen’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them.
Be Patient: Change takes time, and progress in therapy isn’t always linear. Be patient and supportive through the ups and downs.
Find your own Support: Whether it’s with friends, family or a therapist of your own, we know that having your own support is HUGE! Raising a teen is HARD, and as the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So find ways to fill your own cup up, too!
Final Thoughts
Finding the right therapist for your teen is a process that takes time, communication, and care. By prioritizing the therapeutic relationship, considering their specific needs, and letting your teen be part of the decision, you’re setting them up for success. Therapy is a powerful tool for helping your teen navigate life’s challenges and grow into their best self.
If you’re looking for therapy for your teenage in Kamloops, to help them work on struggles including anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, stress and school performance, reach out today. We have a number of therapists who specialize in working with youth and teens!
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